I keep hoping she will notice me first

I have worked beside her for almost six months, and she still has no idea how nervous she makes me.

She probably thinks I am quiet.

The truth is, sometimes I avoid looking at her face because I am scared she will notice where my eyes were a few seconds earlier.

My name is Julie. I am a 27-year-old Vietnamese woman working as a nail tech in Louisville, Kentucky.

I am also a lesbian.

My family does not know. Most of my coworkers do not know either.

I have dated women before, but never anyone from work. I always believed mixing romance and work would create trouble.

Then she started working at our salon.

She is 31, tall and very pretty. She has light brown hair, long legs, and a confident way of walking into the salon every morning.

She is not the type who needs a lot of makeup or expensive clothes. Even in a plain shirt and black work pants, everybody notices her.

I noticed her immediately.

At first, I told myself it was only a small crush.

She was friendly to me, but she was friendly to everyone. She helped clean without being asked. She remembered customers by name. When the salon got busy, she stayed calm instead of complaining.

That made me like her even more.

We work at stations close to each other, so we talk throughout the day.

She asks what I am eating for lunch. She brings me coffee sometimes. When a customer gives me a hard time, she checks on me afterward.

Once, I cut my finger while opening a supply box. She grabbed the first aid kit and wrapped my finger for me.

My face became so hot that I could barely look at her.

She probably thought I was scared of blood.

I was actually trying not to think about how close she was standing.

The embarrassing part is that I sometimes look at her body when she is not paying attention.

When she bends down to pick something up or leans across her station, my eyes go directly to her chest.

I know I should not do that.

I would feel uncomfortable if a coworker kept staring at my body, so I always look away quickly. Still, afterward I feel guilty and disappointed in myself.

I do not want to be the creepy person at work.

I want to know her as a real person, not just someone I find attractive.

The problem is that I cannot tell whether she likes women.

She never talks about a boyfriend.

She has mentioned an ex before, but she only said the word ex. She did not say whether the ex was a man or a woman.

One coworker asked whether she was dating anyone, and she said she was enjoying being single.

That answer gave me hope, but it did not really tell me anything.

For months, I searched for small signs.

I noticed that she never acted uncomfortable when two women came into the salon holding hands.

I noticed a rainbow sticker on her water bottle, but it was part of a group of travel stickers, so it might mean nothing.

I noticed that she compliments my hair and sometimes touches my shoulder when she walks past me.

Then I remind myself that friendly women do those things all the time.

Everything changed last Friday.

We were closing together after everyone else left.

She was sweeping near my station while I organized my polish bottles.

She asked why I never went out with the other workers after work.

I told her I was shy and did not really enjoy crowded places.

Then she asked whether I had a boyfriend.

My heart started beating so hard that I thought she might hear it.

I told her no.

She smiled and said she did not believe someone like me could be single for long.

I had no idea what someone like me meant.

I almost told her everything right then.

I almost told her that I liked women and that the woman I liked was standing three feet away holding a broom.

Instead, I laughed and changed the subject.

When I got home, I felt terrible.

I had been waiting for an opportunity, and when it came, I became scared.

The next morning, she surprised me by asking whether I wanted to get lunch with her.

Just the two of us.

I said yes so quickly that she laughed.

We went to a small restaurant near the salon. For the first few minutes, we talked about customers and work.

Then she told me she had moved to Louisville after ending a serious relationship.

I finally asked whether her ex was a man or a woman.

She looked at me for a second before answering.

Her ex was a woman.

I nearly dropped my fork.

She asked why I looked so surprised.

I told her I did not know she dated women.

Then she asked whether that bothered me.

That was my second chance to tell the truth.

I said it did not bother me at all.

She waited like she expected me to say more, but I became nervous again and started talking about the food.

The rest of lunch felt different.

She smiled at me more. Our knees touched under the table once, and neither of us moved immediately.

When we returned to the salon, I wondered whether I had imagined the whole thing.

That evening, she sent me a message saying she enjoyed lunch and wanted to do it again.

I stared at that message for almost an hour.

I typed that I liked her.

Then I deleted it.

I typed that I was also interested in women.

Then I deleted that too.

Finally, I only told her that I had a nice time.

Since then, I have been sad and frustrated with myself.

I know she is single. I know she dates women. I know she enjoys spending time with me.

But she is still my coworker.

If I tell her how I feel and she does not feel the same way, we will still have to see each other every day.

Our stations are close. Our coworkers notice everything. Salon gossip moves faster than acetone.

I am also scared that she only sees me as a younger coworker and friend.

At the same time, staying quiet is becoming harder.

Every time she brings me coffee or asks me to have lunch, I wonder whether she is waiting for me to say something.

I do not want to confess all my feelings and make her uncomfortable.

I am thinking about asking her to have dinner with me outside of work and making it clear that I mean it as a date.

That seems more respectful than continuing to stare at her from across the salon and hoping she can read my mind.

But I am scared I will ruin the friendship and make work awkward.

I am also scared that if I do nothing, another woman will ask her out while I am still trying to find enough courage.

What should I do?

Should I ask her on a real date, or should I leave it alone because we work together?